one step closer

when I look at you,

I remember why we could hold on to each other for so long

Kalau ada sumur di ladang...

A Beautiful Life movie poster :)

Aku rasa peringkat umur macam aku ni tak boleh avoid la dari fikir soal bercinta dan kahwin.

Oops. Ambik kau. Kan aku dah berterus terang. Haha.

Ala... standard la kan. Jangan kata kau tak pernah fikir pasal benda ni. Semua orang pernah kot. Tak kisah la kau straight ke, even kau gay pun (na'uzubillah), kau mesti ada perasaan nak berpasangan kan?

Kalau tak pernah, it's either kau innocent atau kau adalah malaikat. :)

So macam ni la ye. Aku taknak guna ayat klise yang orang selalu guna, so aku guna ayat aku la:

Jodoh pertemuan di tangan Tuhan.

Eh? Itu bukan ayat biasa ke? Hahaha.

Ok ok macam ni...

Tak kira la macam mana kau bercinta dengan orang tu pun,
macam mana sayang kau kat dia pun,
macam mana dia pun sayang kau jugak,
macam mana korang cuba elak dari bergaduh ke, hasutan orang (dan bukan orang) ke,
macam mana mak ayah korang dah restu hubungan korang ke,
macam mana korang dah planning nak kahwin ke,
macam mana lelaki tu dah cakap nak masuk meminang kau ke (uhuk uhuk),

percayalah satu benda ni:

KALAU ALLAH KATA KORANG TAKKAN END UP TOGETHER, MAKA KORANG TAKKAN END UP TOGETHER.

(Aku cakap senang la kan, bukan aku yang rasa.)

Kalau korang yang dah kahwin tu, cerita lain la. Ni bagi yang belum kahwin la ni.

Dude, memang la kena ada usaha nak cari pasangan nak kahwin. Tapi kena begin with the end in mind la. Tanam sikit perasaan "what-if" tu. Selagi kau belum nikah, selagi tu la hubungan kau dengan pasangan kau tak menjanjikan apa-apa.

Sakit tau putus cinta. So jangan janji macam-macam masa bercinta kalau kau tak nampak future kau lagi.

Okay? OKAY?

OK FIRST TIME CAKAP PASAL KAHWIN DEKAT BLOG NI. Don't blame me, I'm already 22 anddd... never mind.

PS: Pos ni ditulis bersebab ye, bukan sebab aku desperate nak kahwin :O

Under the Surface

it's come to the point where I wonder

if I could ever be luckier

when suddenly I'm back at the core


lend me your ears, I would like to confess:

I'm doubting that you can be real


say that it's true

I know that I want to believe you

but somehow

silence speaks louder than words

Marit Larsen;
some bits from "Under the Surface"

Kasih Sayang

Kasih manusia sering bermusim
Sayang manusia tiada abadi
Kasih Tuhan tiada bertepi
Sayang Tuhan janji-NYA pasti

As cliche as it might sound, I really think that it is true:

...dalam semua kasih sayang dalam dunia (dan di akhirat nanti), sayang yang paling pasti dan yang memang dah dijanjikan ialah kasih sayang Tuhan.

Manusia kalau cakap manis ke, janji macam mana pun, cakap pung pang pung pang, berjanji macam-macam... kalau Tuhan tak izinkan, maka memang tak jadi la.

Seriously and honestly, berharap la pada Tuhan. Kalau berharap pada manusia, at one point kau akan kecewa jugak.

Janji Tuhan itu sentiasa pasti.

(ekstrak lagu Raihan - Kasih Sayang)

Fall-ing for you

After spending almost two years here, I've learned that if you really feel it's beautiful outside and have the intention of taking pictures, DO NOT wait until the weekend...

...and not even tomorrow.

Bring your camera everywhere you go because the scene you see today might not be the same with what you'll see the next day. It's true!

Like if today the trees have yellow leaves, you might find the same trees having no leaves at all tomorrow.

Lantak pi la orang nak kata hang syok sendiri ka apa ka...

Kalau pakai kamera fon pun kamera fon la... takde dslr buat la cara takde dslr, ye tak. Lol.

Fallen yellow leaves, unpredicted weather, (a lot of people with flu), warm but windy days...

...it's officially fall.

Subhanallah.

Subhanallah.

Subhanallah.

Maha Suci Allah yang menciptakan.

Thank You Allah.

Thank You Allah for this opportunity.

What you see is not what you get

i.

If there is only one reason why I should go back, the reason is you.

I feel like there's nothing much I can do considering the fact that there are limits in being completely honest with everyone.

I've known you forever, I know each time you get hurt, I can tell when you're feeling genuinely happy and when you fake a smile.

I know you inside out. I can read your mind just by looking at your eyes.

I hurt deeply whenever you're not happy. I feel like a failure each time I fail to be there for you when you need me the most.


ii.

No matter what happens, nothing is ever going to change my love for you.

Not even with what's going on.

You'll always earn my respect, and I'll look up to you no matter what happens.

Though sometimes I wish you could be stronger than what you are now, things that happened didn't change my perception towards you... not in a million years, even.

I can't really read what you feel inside, but for me you are still the same person I've known.

I really wish things won't go much worse than it is now.

All I want is that you should know what you should do.


iii.

I wish I can have the power to change things.

I am stuck. I can't really say whose fault it was.

Allah knows everything He's doing.

If this thing had happened 10 years ago I might easily put the blame on one of you... but I'm a grown up now and I am able to view things from different perspectives.

I have faith in Allah. I believe that nobody could escape from being tested.

I am caught in the middle. I am caught between the secrets and the lies. I am caught between the things I should say, the things I should never say, the things I should say but should never say...

...it's complicated.

O Allah, I rely on You. Please help us.


iv.

I hope this is the last time I'll talk about you in my blog.

I know that love can be learned.

It's weird thinking that we're not exactly what people think we are... but I know our friendship is something that I don't want to lose.

All those things that you kept from me for so many years... they make me think about it again.

Sometimes I hate the fact that you've been keeping things from me. But sometimes I feel grateful that I didn't know them earlier.

I don't really know how I feel. But if I have to say something, you actually make my days beautiful.

I'd smile remembering the sincerity that I saw in your eyes the other day.

And I hope it stays until the day comes.

And I really hope you don't suck everything up, you hear me?


v.

O Allah.

Please love my parents as much as they love me right from the beginning until now.

Please bless them with your eternal love.

Please protect them and keep them safe from any harm and danger.

O Allah, I beg You.

Amin.

Better

See all I'm trying to say is
you make things
better

Boyzone - "Better"

Thank you Allah for all of the wonderful things You have given me during all of these 22 years.

Thank you Allah.

Lapan huruf

"Aku rasa tak sedap badan... rasa macam nak demam..."

"Laa yeke? Kesian kau."

"Aku rasa tadi ada sekor nyamuk terbang dekat-dekat dengan aku... sekarang dia tiba-tiba dah hilang, I guess aku dah termakan nyamuk tu."

"Hah? Agaknya sebab tu kot kau nak demam ni."

"Badan aku sakit gile weh, aku rasa aku tengah transform jadi werewolf kot."

"Transform apa bendanya, mana ada werewolf transform pukul 3 petang?"

"Aku ikut time kat US kot, kan jet lag lagi ni."

"Ntah-ntah kau transform jadi nyamuk? Sebab kau termakan nyamuk?"

"Weh, mungkin jugak la."

"Nanti kau jadi weremosquito la ni?"

"Meremosquito la, mende weremosquito pulak."

"Ala, ntah-ntah kau transform jadi sotong."

*

"Nanti masa aku dah kahwin, mesti kau sedih kan. Takde orang nak manja dengan kau dah."

"Wuuuu wuuuu wuuuu... nanti kau dah kahwin, aku buli kau dengan suami kau."

"Apa pulak? Aku dengan kau la gang up untuk buli dia."

"Hahahaha. Kesian mamat tu."

*

"Kucing ni betina ke jantan?"

"Betina kot... kita panggil dia Gegurl la."

"Gegurllll. Gegurlll."

Mak: Gegirl siapa?

"Fasha Sandha."

*

"Kau busy tak?"

"Ye aku busy. Apa kau nak?"

"Aku nak pergi toilet ni..."

"Hah, nak aku temanlah tu."

"Cepat la weh, tak tahan ni."

"Dah tua bangka pun penakut nak pergi toilet."

*

"Kalau aku kahwin dengan dia, kau restui tak?"

"Hah?? Kahwin dengan dia?? Omaigod sotonggg kau nak kahwin dengan dia?"

"Weh, aku tanya jelaaaa."

"Hmm... aku kena jumpa dia dulu dan tengok dia macam mana, baru aku boleh bagi kata putus..."

"Ok... aku tanya je tau, bukannya aku ada apa-apa dengan dia."

"Yelah tu kau. Nanti aku bagitahu Mak yang dia ada calon menantu..."

"Woii aku cakap takde pape la, kau faham takkk."

"Hish yela yela, aku gurau je. Sikit-sikit nak menyotong. Kulu kulu kuluuu menyotong."

*

"Tisu sepah sana sini ni mesti kerja kau kan?"

"Biar la, at least aku sepahkan tisu je. Kau tu, semua benda kau sepahkan."

Pulau Buih

- Prologue -

Malasnya nak kerja hari ni.

Malasnya.

4 jam.

Malasnya.

Malasss.

*

- Chapter 1-

Me:
*terkebil-kebil baca announcement yang Bubble Island tutup May 15*
"Um, will you be closing today or tomorrow?"

Abang Bubble Island:
*muka separuh sedih separuh lega*
"Oh we'll be closing today... actually we're gonna close anytime now."

Me:
*buat muka aww...*
"So today's your last day then?"

Abang Bubble Island:
*shrugging*
"Yeah today's our last day... Well, actually you might be our last customer though!"
*sambil mendepakan tangan dengan riang ria*

Me:
*mode mengusik ala-ala macam kat pasar malam*
"Oh yeah? Don't you want to give me some free drinks or anything?"
*tersengih-sengih dengan muka tembok*

Abang Bubble Island:
*tergamam dan terkesima dengan ketidakseganan minah berbungkus di hadapannya*
*memandang abang lagi satu dengan mengangkat-angkat kening*
*memandang aku semula*
"Oh... yeah, we could! What kind of drink do you want?"

Me:
"Oh... just anything, I don't mind."

Abang Bubble Island:
"What about yogurt?"

Me:
*terdiam kejap sebab takut yogurt ada gelatin*
"Oh I don't drink yogurt. Any drinks other than yogurt is fine."

Abang Bubble Island:
*haihh minah ni tadi kata apa-apa pun boleh -_-*
"Oh okay."
*buat air apa ntah*
*beri kat aku*
"There you go!"

Me:
*tersengih lagi*
Thanks!

Abang Bubble Island:
*memandang my handful of bubble tea drinks*
"Do you need a bag for those?"

Me:
"Sure!"

Abang Bubble Tea:
*masukkan air dalam beg plastik*
"Have a good one!"

Me:
"Tengkiuuuu."

Abang Bubble Tea:
"Don't forget your straws!"

Bubble tea dalam kenangan.

*

- Chapter 2 -

*flashback: beberapa jam sebelum itu*

*written on a small white board*

Pop's Quiz of the Day

*vote vote*

"*NSync"
||||

"Backstreet Boys"
||||| ||

"Boyz II Men"
|||

*a few minutes later*

"New Edition"
||

*half an hour later*

"Take That"
|

...which was obviously written and voted by me and only me. What a pity the people here are missing out on such an awesome manband (haha). Was tempted to write Westlife, too, but there wasn't much space left though.

Luckily someone changed the radio channel today. I don't think I can stand listening to any of Tinie Tempah's songs anymore. Or even worse, "What The Hell", a song by that fake blond whose name I forgot...

*

- Chapter 3 -

"What's your major?"

"Um, actuarial science."

"What? Really? How come I never saw you at any of the events?"

"Events? You mean..."

"Actuarial Club?"

"Um, because..."

...I hate socializing. Kehkehkeh.

*

- Chapter 4 -

"Hey Ainina how are you doing?"

*senyum senyum tengok muka comel Kakak H*

"I'm good how are you?"

"Good!"

*mengeluh*

Kakak H, saya nak cakap yang saya akan rindu awak tapi saya orang Melayu dan imissyou imissyou ni is so not me maka saya hanya pendamkan saje haha.

Poyo betul.

*

- Epilogue -

Oh cawan teh nak habis dah.

Berjalan dengan lembap ke bilik dishmachine yang bising gile.

Terkesima kejap melihat seseorang di sebalik dishmachine.

Senyum malu-malu sambil bagi bahasa isyarat "hai".

Ambil cawan dan blah.

*

Silly post. I know.

I just thought that I had a funny day today despite the rainy weather. Haha. Funny tau, bukan fun.

Farewell Spring 2011.

I made it obvious

as much as I feel silly being shy around you,
I can't help feeling sad at the thought of getting over you

~_~

huff

talking about feeling sentimental at the end of a semester

-_-

Dirty Pop

Boleh tak nak pos benda mengada sikit kali ni?

Pos kali ni kena dalam BM. Haha. Macam la tak pernah pos dalam BM kan.

Walaupun ada ramai supervisor, tapi aku tak beberapa suka yang tuuu dan yang tuuu.

Sebab mereka agak bajet kot. Bila aku tengok video pasal racism semalam, tiba-tiba terasa kakak bajet tu racist dengan aku. Haha. Aku je kot terasa. Takde la sampai tahap racist (tapi ada possibility).

Haihh. Nasib la ada Abang S yang hensem, takde la aku rasa annoyed sangat dengan mereka yang tuuu.

Tapi lepas ni Kakak H yang comel nak graduate dah. Kakak yang paling manjakan aku. Haha.

Lepas ni takde siapa dah nak manjakan aku. Kalau aku kena marah, tak tahu nak mengadu kat siapa dah. :(

Tinggal Abang J jela. Tapi dia lelaki, mana boleh manja sangat dengan dia kan. Lagipun aku jarang cakap dengan dia. :(

Oh. Macam dahagakan perhatian je aku ni.

Oh. Sejak tahu Pakcik S tu muslim, aku segan pulak bila terserempak dengan dia. Selalu nak rebut bagi salam kat dia, tapi biasanya dia yang berjaya bagi salam dulu.

Pakcik S baik jugak. Dia siap tanya lagi supervisor lain layan aku baik-baik tak. Haha.

Btw. Kakak B pun nak graduate dah. Walaupun dia selalu nampak stress tapi dia takde la poyo sangat dengan aku. Lagipun dia yang tolong arrange shift aku mula-mula dulu supaya tak payah deal dengan pork... sampai chef kat tingkat bawah pun dah kenal aku siapa. Dia memang mengfamouskan aku.

Oh lupa, Abang L pun still ada jugak. Walaupun mula-mula dulu aku cuak dengan Abang L tapi dia macam dah faham kot sekarang, dia dah tak pegang bahu aku lagi... haha.

Oh... makcik baik tu mesti ada lagi kan lepas ni. Dia memang suka tolong aku di saat aku blur.

Harap lepas ni takde sama shift dengan mana-mana minah bajet sorot dah. Tak tahan la aku tengok perempuan pakai mekap tebal lepas tu kerja kat dining hall. Tak sesuai langsung.

Makcik garang macam dah mula bercakap dengan aku. Haha thank God. Aku benci kot kena marah dengan dia. Dah la dia suka marah aku kuat-kuat. Harap-harap mood dia stabil la lepas ni.

Tapi. Kakak H nak graduate dah. Oh. Sedihnya.

Kakak H yang baik. Semoga Kakak H terima hidayah-Nya.

Eight Letters

Eight letters
Three words
One meaning

♥








I'm trying to sound cheerful. Duh.

Khas untuk ayahanda

30 Januari 2011 (waktu Malaysia)

Untuk Ayah, Rosman Yahya,

Semoga Allah sayang Ayah selalu

Semoga Allah lindungi Ayah walau di mana ayah berada

Semoga Allah memberkati hidup Ayah

Semoga Allah memberi kesihatan dan kesejahteraan pada Ayah

Semoga Allah balas segala kebaikan Ayah selama ini

Semoga Allah beri syurga-Nya pada Ayah dan Mak di akhirat kelak

Saya sayang Ayah dan Mak

Amin.

.
.
.

Senyumlah ahai cik mek molek

Senyumlah :)

Selagi hidup, manusia tidak akan terlepas dari masalah.

Sepandai-pandai tupai meniti ais... akhirnya tergelincir jua

I glanced at my Mickey watch every five minutes, dreading for the introduction lecture to end. My bum was itching to get out of the seat there and then. After what seemed like hours... oh yeah bebeh time's up!

Quickly I threw my notebook into my already torn black and red backpack, put on my charcoal coat and slipped in between the sea of mostly freshmen trying to exit the lecture hall.

My thumb merrily danced on the keypad of my old good Nokia, replying messages to some friends while my feet trying to keep a balanced walk on the half wet, half slippery ground down the Bascom hill. After a message or two I regretted going out without gloves as my fingers began to numb, thanks to the negative six Celsius degree dry weather. I shoved my mobile and both my hands into my coat's pockets, wanting to warm my pale fingers.

I kept walking down the hill on the same path with the sea of so many people. Well, many people walking like this indicated classes interval, which meant everyone must've finished their classes more or less at the same time I did just now. Some were of course rushing to their next classes, adding up a bit of tense in the cold air.

My feet were swaying gracefully on the path down the hill but my head was somewhere else. I wanted to print something out at the library, I wanted to cash in some money... oh wait I needed to go to the Bookstore, I had to buy the--




SLIP.


THUD!

Thud! Creeeeeeeeak.


"OWWWW," I scowled as I found myself sitting on the wet ground, my left knee near to my face and my right leg lying straight to the front. And I realised my Nokia was no longer in my hand or my pocket because it was slipping down the hill, creating painful creaking noise as it ground with the stone path.

And suddenly many coherent voices came from all around me.

"Woah, are you okay?"

"Be careful!"

"Are you alright?"

Oh. Oh my Tuhan.

I felt my face getting hot despite the coldness, but I guessed it was more of the embarrassment rather than my sore bum that caused me to close my eyes forcefully, and in the meantime I racked my brain to digest what just happened 0.15 seconds ago.

Okay, so I didn't see the slippery ice on the path and I stupidly stepped right on it, and yeay! I fell down. And guess what? All of a sudden I realised that the people who were walking around me were all guys. Double yeay, huh?

Despite all the concerned voices just now, nobody seemed to stop by.

But but but. Out of nowhere, I saw a dark haired picking up my poor phone (which was 2 metres away from me by the time he did). I didn't realise where he'd came from, but I reckoned he must've walked behind me just now though. He turned to me and started to step nearer.

"Hey, you alright?"

I looked up and was met by a deep blue-eyed gaze which penetrated right into my dark brown orbs. I blinked my eyes a few times before I came back to myself. Right before he was near me, he was about to reach out his hand to help me. Realising I had no gloves on, I immediately stood up straight without any help, with my face twitching a bit because of the sudden sharp pain on my bum!

"Yeah I'm okay I'm okay I'm okay," I blurted out when he stood in front of me. Removing my gaze away from his blue eyes I looked at his hand holding my phone, which was now extended towards me.

I managed to mouth a small thanks before taking the phone into my palm, blushing at the sympathetic smile that he gave me. The blue-eyed brunette turned around and walked towards the bridge connecting Bascom hill and Humanities Building.

My feet were rooted to the ground for a few seconds before I could walk the same path he did.

I examined my poor my old Nokia along the way. Sigh. Some scratches and even dirty ice on the screen.

Nevertheless, I still blushed at the thought of being a damsel in distress today, hahahahaha.

Well. You can tell I've been reading a bit too much of fanfiction over the winter break. Haha.

Selamat kembali ke sekolah!

Winter Song

This is my winter song to you.
The storm is coming soon,
it rolls in from the sea

My voice; a beacon in the night.
My words will be your light,
to carry you to me.

Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?

They say that things just cannot grow
beneath the winter snow,
or so I have been told.

They say were buried far,
just like a distant star
I simply cannot hold.

Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?

This is my winter song.
December never felt so wrong,
cause youre not where you belong;
inside my arms.

I still believe in summer days.
The seasons always change
and life will find a way.

Ill be your harvester of light
and send it out tonight
so we can start again.

Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?

This is my winter song.
December never felt so wrong,
cause youre not where you belong;
inside my arms.

This is my winter song to you.
The storm is coming soon
it rolls in from the sea.

My love a beacon in the night.
My words will be your light
to carry you to me.

Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?

Sara Bareilles
Winter Song

She's Back

A: "Tell me a sentence that, if we read it in happy times we should feel sad
and if we read it in sad times we should feel happy."

B: "THIS TIME WILL PASS."

There's no point of weeping anymore.

Yesterday is history.

May Allah bless us.

This is His will.

I'd wait for life

I don't know how you are
or how you may be
but I know I love you still

Soundless

My day is your night
It's the difference in the time zone
Spare me the never-ending jet lag
It aches my heart right to the core

We're one thousand light years apart
When one step closer's taken
one heart's gonna get broken

This frown you cause
will never fade away
What a frustration!
Of all the lessons learned
the numbers will never fit in your formula

The red sky is raining
endlessly
But still, unseen
'cause you're inside the building


- Ainina Rosman

Awak oh awak

Kepada awak, saya tahu awak tak baca pun blog saya.

Sebab saya jarang nampak IP address awak dekat Feedjit. Haha.

Terima kasih. Awak takkan tahu betapa saya menghargai awak.

Awaklah antara orang yang boleh buat saya ketawa di kala saya menangis.

Walaupun dah lama saya tak bersua dengan awak, saya rasa awak dekat dengan saya.

Semoga awak selalu disayangi-Nya.

.

Kepada awak, terima kasih.

Saya suka pokpek pokpek dekat awak kan.

Awak saje yang sudi mendengar.

Saya tahu awak saje yang faham.

Tak apa, saya dah belanja banyak biskut dan aiskrim kan. Haha.

.

Kepada awak, saya cemburu dengan awak sebab awak dapat pergi sana.

Saya doakan keselamatan awak.

Saya sayangkan awak. Jaga diri baik-baik.

Nanti saya kirim list doa ye!

.

Kepada awak berdua, saya tahu saya jarang contact awak dan awak.

Saya cuma nak awak tahu, awak berdua tetap di hati saya.

.

Akhirnya, kepada awak yang sedang membaca ni, yang namanya tak tersebut di atas.

Terima kasih kerana sudi membaca blog yang tak seberapa ni.

Saya bukan penglipur lara, juga tidak pandai menulis dengan penuh kasih sayang.

Saya, emo dan hati kering. Haha.

Terima kasih, dan maafkan saya andai saya pernah buat awak kecil hati dengan apa yang saya pernah pos di blog ini.

Semoga awak dirahmati Allah sentiasa!

.