Random lagi

New Westlife single written by Gary Barlow :') A bit of ironic though, but the fact that my favourite men are finally working together is lovely. ♥

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Back to papa kedana again. Mana la pergi gaji aku kerja selama ni... haihh. Kena berjimat la lepas ni.

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I miss you, you idiot. Where the heck have you been?

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"I forgive but I don't forget". Ah... kalau tak lupakan maknanya masih tak maafkan la betul tak? Susah la nak lupakan semua benda tu. Nak minta maaf dengan Tuhan tu lebih senang berbanding minta maaf dengan manusia.

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Aku tak nak cakap besar sebab taknak ter-backfire balik pada aku... tapi jangan la kacau orang yang kau dah tahu kau tak boleh kacau. Haihh. Stay away, go away.

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Kadang-kadang berharap ada pintu suka hati Doraemon, jadi bila terasa nak balik rumah, senang je terus balik, tak payah fikir harga tiket berapa ribu. Speaking of which, aku memang terasa tak nak balik summer depan. Tapi manusia merancang, Allah yang menentukan. Aku pun cakap je lebat ni, tengok-tengok nanti balik jugak hahaha.

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Ramai orang makin busy dan tak update blog dah lately. Bosannya. Selamat datang ke alam dewasa.

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Kadang-kadang terasa macam nak grad cepat-cepat sebab blablabla. Tapi kadang-kadang terasa kalau belajar bertahun-tahun lagi pun takpe.

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Ketidakpastian ini sungguh menyeksa jiwa raga. Ah tunggu jela bila masanya datang, kalau Allah dah tentukan semua, benda tu akan terjadi jugak kan. Tak payah nak kejar-kejar benda tu. If it's meant to be, it will happen. Yakinlah dengan janji Tuhan. Berharap la pada Tuhan, jangan berharap pada manusia.

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Sekarang ni dunia dah tak stabil, maknanya usia dunia dah makin ke penghujung. Bila fikir, takut. Bila lupa, tak ingat akhirat dah.

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"Death is more certain than marriage". Takde siapa tahu kau akan kahwin ke tak dalam hidup ni but everybody knows satu masa nanti kau akan mati jugak.

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Aku suka naik flight. Sebab bila kapal terbang tu dah naik atas, kau akan sedar sebenarnya manusia ni kecik je, you can hardly see people moving from this point of view. Allah tu Maha Besar kuasa dia, jadi bila kau bongkak dengan suruhan Tuhan, kau memang layak dipanggil tak pandai.

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Bzzzzttt... *white noise*

What you see is not what you get

i.

If there is only one reason why I should go back, the reason is you.

I feel like there's nothing much I can do considering the fact that there are limits in being completely honest with everyone.

I've known you forever, I know each time you get hurt, I can tell when you're feeling genuinely happy and when you fake a smile.

I know you inside out. I can read your mind just by looking at your eyes.

I hurt deeply whenever you're not happy. I feel like a failure each time I fail to be there for you when you need me the most.


ii.

No matter what happens, nothing is ever going to change my love for you.

Not even with what's going on.

You'll always earn my respect, and I'll look up to you no matter what happens.

Though sometimes I wish you could be stronger than what you are now, things that happened didn't change my perception towards you... not in a million years, even.

I can't really read what you feel inside, but for me you are still the same person I've known.

I really wish things won't go much worse than it is now.

All I want is that you should know what you should do.


iii.

I wish I can have the power to change things.

I am stuck. I can't really say whose fault it was.

Allah knows everything He's doing.

If this thing had happened 10 years ago I might easily put the blame on one of you... but I'm a grown up now and I am able to view things from different perspectives.

I have faith in Allah. I believe that nobody could escape from being tested.

I am caught in the middle. I am caught between the secrets and the lies. I am caught between the things I should say, the things I should never say, the things I should say but should never say...

...it's complicated.

O Allah, I rely on You. Please help us.


iv.

I hope this is the last time I'll talk about you in my blog.

I know that love can be learned.

It's weird thinking that we're not exactly what people think we are... but I know our friendship is something that I don't want to lose.

All those things that you kept from me for so many years... they make me think about it again.

Sometimes I hate the fact that you've been keeping things from me. But sometimes I feel grateful that I didn't know them earlier.

I don't really know how I feel. But if I have to say something, you actually make my days beautiful.

I'd smile remembering the sincerity that I saw in your eyes the other day.

And I hope it stays until the day comes.

And I really hope you don't suck everything up, you hear me?


v.

O Allah.

Please love my parents as much as they love me right from the beginning until now.

Please bless them with your eternal love.

Please protect them and keep them safe from any harm and danger.

O Allah, I beg You.

Amin.