at the end of the day

please remind me over and over again that

if you give to people, God will give you more

and what you gave other people will not lessen what you have got

.

ya Allah

jauhkanlah aku dari merasa tidak cukup dengan nikmat-Mu

these days

back then

i saw you and i loved you

and now

i know you and i love you even more

huddle today

We were asked to pick a coin and tell about any memorable events on the year engraved on the coin.

I had 2014.

"I had my first date with my now fiance--"

I said, blushing,

"--but we were accompanied by his parents. Haha."

The reaction I got: that's a bit... um, ok.

Lol.

at the age of 25

There you go. So direct.

There used to be one point in my life where I would complain about everything and almost anything. All those petty little problems. Ok I lied. Not just one point. But several points.

Well I still have those petty little problems. The only difference is that I give less shit about them now.

Silver jubilee. I am twenty five. And by saying that it really makes me feel, well... grown up?

I used to think too much about what other people think of me. Anddd what other people are expecting of me. Anddd what other people would say if I make my own decision. Anddd the list goes on.

Growing up, growing older and wiser, I taught myself to give less and less shit about what others think of me.

And now I'm at this point where I just, honestly, want to be happy.

people rule

free coffee every day

paper-based performance

interesting cases to work on

free food now and then

surrounded by young people

no ass-kissing needed

proper training & introduction

opportunity to grow

good pay

super nice team leader

approachable seniors

super organized HR center

so near to home

feels like home

did i mention free coffee?

alhamdulillah wasyukurlillah

here and now

do you still remember

we let go of each other

we set each other free

believing that we'll cross the same path again if it's meant to be

9 years later

Time passes. 

Things change. 

People come and go. 

Sometimes things that happen too fast could be so overwhelming you could hardly feel your feet on the ground.

In this life, nothing is ever permanent. One moment you're on the top, but in the next few seconds you could be at the bottom of the wheel.

---

To whom it may concern,

I'm sorry for what had happened. 

God has His own way of showing what's true and what isn't.

---

To you,

Here we are 9 years later.

And no one has ever touched my life the way that you do.

overrated

i'm at this peak where i couldn't see any flaws

the world surrounding me would fade away when i look into those eyes

and i could still feel the presence lingers around me

people say it's overrated

but not for me, not at this point

not anymore

and then it hit me

I'm already at this point where I feel like I want to leave.

3 months ago I was scared of what's going to happen but now I just don't care anymore.

one step closer

when I look at you,

I remember why we could hold on to each other for so long

dear you

I'm unsure of how I'm feeling for the past week.

But all I'm certain about is my dua for you.

I hope Allah grants you strength to face it all.

I've tasted 5% of the despair years ago and I couldn't imagine how it's like for you.

Please know I want to be there for you no matter what.

From Allah we came and to Him we shall return.

---

Hello.

You might not be reading this... but I'm so proud of you.

I've always been so proud of you.

apology

Have you ever did something really wrong and felt extremely guilty about it?

And then the person you pissed off can actually smile at you and still joke about it?

And then all you could see from them is that forgiving, loving smile and a simple "it's okay"?

Surreal, really.

knowing that

It's comforting to know that there's someone who cares for you.

Being in the middle of this unknown circle, I honestly feel safe knowing that there's still someone who would look after me.

I'm just this innocent, scared girl who seeks for shelter in every new places she goes to.

I've never asked for excessive attention though I love being taken care of.

It's obvious. It's just too obvious. Anyone around can actually see that.

I would be lying if I said I don't want to feel like I'm this... this somebody.

However, this attention I'm receiving... it confuses me.

:( + :) = :|

O Allah... I seek Your forgiveness.

the truth

Mula-mula rasa susah.

Rasa banyak sangat halangan.

Yang lagi sedih, akhirnya tak dapat apa-apa jawapan.

Yang lagi double sedih, wajah-wajah itu yang penuh pengharapan.

Susah.

Tapi yang kali ni rasa dipermudahkan sejak mula.

Setiap satu urusan memang lancar sejak dari detik pertama.

Yang syukurnya, rasa seronok dan suka.

Semuanya terasa indah, seakan-akan penantian selama ini telah diberikan penghargaan dari Yang Paling Tinggi di atas sana.

Sehinggalah, sampailah, hadirlah satu saat itu.

Satu saat yang semua perkara sebenar diceritakan.

Di sini terduduk, termenung sendiri.

Ada rasa keliru, ada rasa gelisah.

Rasa satu beban berat menghempap di ubun-ubun kepala.

Impian semua manusia mahu dijulang dan diangkat manusia lain.

Harapan semua manusia mahu dihargai dan dipuji manusia lain.

Tetapi apa gunanya julang tinggi itu kalau diri sendiri tahu tidak mampu untuk menggalas satu tanggungjawab yang jauh lebih besar?

Apa gunanya puji dan puja itu seandainya diri sendiri sedar langit itu sebenarnya nun di atas sana, tidak tergapai dek tangan?

Di sini masih terduduk, berfikir sendiri.

Terkeliru apakah ini nikmat kesenangan atau ujian di sebalik kesenangan.