jeles kew? jeles lettew.

Siapa yang tak pernah rasa cemburu?

Cemburu tu ada macam-macam sebab, kan.

Cemburu tengok kejayaan orang lain. Cemburu dengan kehebatan orang lain.

Selalunya, kita jeles sebab tengok orang lain ada kelebihan yang kita tak dapat.
Jarang dengar cerita ada orang jeles dengan kesusahan orang lain, kan?

Cemburu tu normal.

Cemburu tu takpe. Asalkan bertempat.

Tapi kadang-kadang susah jugak nak elak jeles tak pasal-pasal ni kan.

Alahai hati ni.

Day 2 & 3

Ramai orang bising yang terlalu ramai orang upload gambar makanan kat Fb bila bulan puasa ni..

(memang betul pun, gambar orang terus hilang, makanan je ada)

Jadi aku pun nak kecoh jugak pos gambar makanan. Tapi instead of letak kat Fb, where you have no choice but to view the pictures, aku letak kat sini jelah.

So kalau korang tengok dan tiba-tiba perut berbunyi, salahkan diri sendiri. Siapa suruh tengok, hahaha.

Day 2: Keropok Lekor (resipi di sini)

Day 3: Strawberry Oatmeal Muffins (resipi)

Anyway, di sini aku nak ambil kesempatan untuk mengucapkan Salam Ramadhan. Aku tahu bunyi ayat ni poyo, tapi seriously, kalau kau pernah rasa macam nak berubah jadi lebih baik dan tak tahu bila nak mula, bulan ni boleh jadi satu titik permulaan buat kau (dan aku, of course).

Mintak maaf la aku tak ingat siapa yang cakap, tapi bunyi ayat dia lebih kurang: jangan jadikan bulan ni sebagai bulan untuk buat ibadah ritual memanjang tanpa mengubah apa yang ada dalam diri kita.

Kalau selama ni kita tak reti hargai orang lain, lepas ni kita cuba cakap terima kasih setiap kali diorang tolong kita.

Kalau selama ni kita dengar 50 lagu jiwang sehari, lepas ni kita cuba kurangkan jadi 45 ke, yang 5 lagi kita ganti dengan surah-surah pendek macam al-Fatihah, an-Naas, dll.

Kalau selama ni kita tak pernah solat on time, kita cuba set kan time range untuk kita solat, contohnya within 30 minutes lepas azan je kena solat.

Kalau kita ni jenis yang kuat sangat merajuk, lepas ni kurang-kurangkan terasa dan merajuk sebab tak semua manusia boleh fulfill expectation kita.

Kalau selama ni kita suka buka YouTube cari cerita Korea, lepas ni pastikan setiap kali habis satu movie, kita browse lecture Nouman Ali Khan ke atau Ustaz Azhar yang seminit dua tu.

Kalau selama ni ada kawan atau mak ayah ajak solat jemaah ke puasa sunat ke yang kita jawab "takpelah", cuba biasakan diri cakap "orait".

(yang semua ni contoh jelah ye, aku pun dua kali lima je sebenarnya)

Takpe, biar perubahan tu sikit. Sebab yang penting kualiti dan istiqamah.

Ingat, Allah paling suka ibadah yang berterusan. Kalau kau paksa diri kau untuk berubah sedebuk pun boleh, tapi tu susah nak maintain. Biar sikit, asalkan maintain.

Ramadhan is the month where you do extra ibadah to cleanse yourself in and out, bukan sekadar penat-penat tahan lapar, terkejar-kejar 20 rakaat tarawih, atau khatam al-Quran semata-mata.

Hati ni. Hati ni yang penting.

Jangan habiskan ramadhan tanpa ramadhan itu mengubah apa yang ada di dalam diri kita. Kuantiti itu penting, tapi kualiti pun jangan lupa.

Contoh kalau kau ada pilihan nak beli coklat $2 dapat 10 tapi rasa dia kau tak lalu makan, atau coklat $2 dapat 5 ketul je tapi rasa fuhh mantap, atau coklat $5 sedap gilak tapi dapat seketul je dan kalau makan seketul tu tak puas. Yang mana kau nak? Mestilah rasa yang sedap dan kuantiti yang agak berbaloi dengan harga yang reasonable kan?

Jadi.. jom! Jadikan bulan ni turning point untuk kita. Insyaallah. :B

And this post is intended to remind myself, too.

ulau melingkau atas pagau

"You will not enter paradise until you believe.
You will not believe until you love one another"
(Muslim)

Probably one of the best hadiths describing what's going on at the moment.

Ntah la. Aku mendengar pandangan orang tapi aku sendiri tak tetap pendirian.

Jadi bagi aku, diam itu lebih baik.

Biarkan orang yang lebih tahu buat keputusan.

---

Ada dua jenis orang yang bertanya dalam dunia.

Satu, orang yang bertanya sebab dia nak tahu.

Dua, orang yang bertanya sebab dia nak dengar jawapan yang dia nak dengar.

Satu itu curiosity. Dua itu ego.

I'm almost 23 and this is normal

5 things no one tells you about marriage: (an excerpt from a Huffington Post article)

1. Marriage is not fair.
2. Marriage has no finish line.
3. Marriage has no rests.
4. Marriage has no metrics.
5. Marriage has no rules.

Anyway, looking on the bright side of it:

But here's how to be tough enough for marriage: Answer to no one, and compare yourself to no one. Live for each other, and never stop. Embrace your spouse with such force that they become an extension of your own self, an extension you can never do without. Marriage is an opportunity to separate yourself from the rest of the world. To redefine happiness between you two, and live life your own way. 

Haha.

Before you get the wrong idea (ie. Nina ni dah nak kahwin dah ke??), let me first inform you that I don't have any plans whatsoever (or even know whether I've met the right person) on getting married. At least not for now, anyway, though of course la aku nak kahwin kannn.

The reason I'm having this post is because at my age, a lot of my friends are getting engaged and married, of course. Some of them are even expecting their first child ._. I no longer hear the word "crush" or "minat" (aku je kot yang masih guna perkataan minat tu, lol), but I've been hearing a lot of "calon"s.

"Kau ada calon tak?" 

"Macam mana kau define perkataan calon? Boyfriend? Tunang? Atau lelaki yang dah approach kau dan kata nak kahwin dengan kau?"

My Fb newsfeed is jammed with loads and LOADS of posts on marriage (terutamanya artikel iluvislam). I think I like the fact that most people have accepted the "kahwin awal" idea (ie. kahwin masa tengah buat degree atau betul-betul selepas grad). Baguslah jugak, daripada dok huha huha dengan boyfriend setiap saat, lebih baik kahwin kan?

But then when I start to think about it... a lot of people are having this illusion that the marriage they are hoping for will DEFINITELY be a reality.

"Lelaki yang layak menjadi suami bukan dilihat dari segi fizikal atau betapa penyayangnya dia, tetapi mampu menjadi imam bagi isterinya." 

"Perkara yang paling sweet ialah apabila dua orang lelaki dan perempuan tidak pernah bercakap antara satu sama lain tetapi saling mendoakan dalam sujud masing-masing." 

"We may love the wrong person and cry over the wrong person, but one thing's for sure, mistakes help us find the right person." 

"Wanita dikahwini kerana 4 sebab... kecantikan, harta, keturunan, dan agama..." (and 90% people would forget the next line in this sentence, which is "...dan pilihlah yang beragama". tu yang dok cari perempuan yang lengkap empat2 ciri sampai ke sudah tak jumpa.) 

"Lelaki boleh cari mana-mana perempuan, dia ada kuasa nak ubah isteri dia. Kalau perempuan memang kena cari lelaki alim, sebab perempuan takde kuasa nak ubah lelaki."

See? See where all of these are heading to?

Ridiculously high expectations that lead to perfectionism.

Ok, seriously, I am NOT saying that it is wrong to hope for good things (ie. dapat lelaki hensem dan beriman). Tapi berapa peratus perempuan dalam dunia ni yang end up dengan lelaki hensem dan beriman? (dan berapa kerat je lelaki hensem dan beriman tu sebenarnya matang?)

The reality is, there's no such thing as happy-ending marriage. Ye memang betul orang kata kahwin tu best, tapi wujud ke perkahwinan yang sempurna?

Begin with the end in mind.

If we keep on poisoning ourselves with too much fairytales, yeah you know what'll happen. You'll get yourself poisoned lah when things don't go your way.

Ye, kahwinlah, sempurnakanlah separuh dari agama. Tapi jangan meracuni pemikiran dengan kesempurnaan artikel kahwin yang kau baca. Tak salah nak baca, tak salah nak ambil tahu, tapi kena rasional setiap kali kita masukkan setiap info kahwin tu dalam kepala.

Ingat, memang mula-mula kita macam sekadar nak ambil tahu je. Tapi kalau tak dikawal dengan rasional akal, what we read will be a BELIEF. Satu informasi, kalau diulang-ulang (ala-ala brainwash), akan jadi KEPERCAYAAN kita.

Keyword: rasional.

Mungkinkah disebabkan ledakan informasi kebelakangan ni yang menyebabkan kita lebih terpengaruh nak baca artikel kahwin yang happy ending dan seterusnya mengharap kesempurnaan?

Anyway, something for you to ponder on: click here.

5.7.57

"Takpe lah, orang dah tunggu lama. Biarlah diorang dapat dulu."

She's the one who puts others before herself. Always and always.

"Dah azan, mak nak solat dulu."

She's the muslimah who always prays on time, who puts her priority on solah more than anything else. She wakes up before fajr and always takes a shower before fajr solah. She might not be the type who stands up in front of people and preaches out loud, but she does the best da'wah in my life.

"Kawan-kawan Ayah tanya mak belajar universiti mana... hah, mak bagitahulah diorang yang mak belajar sampai SPM je."

Whenever she tells me that, she would say it with a humble laugh. She's the humblest person I've ever met in my life. Due to that reason, she has never, not even once, belittle other people. Not even once.

"Kejap lagi mak datang... awak tunggu dekat depan sekolah."

And my mom walked from home with her umbrella in the 2 p.m. scorching hot weather to my school, which was 2 km away, just so she could 'pick me up' and walked me home again (I had menstrual pain and my family didn't own extra vehicle at home).

"Takpe lah, mak beli dengan diorang sebab nak tolong diorang."

That's her response when I asked her why she buys vegetables from the Malay vendors at the fishery, even if they act extremely rude towards her.

"Kalau awak tak suka dengan cikgu awak, awak usaha cari benda yang awak suka pasal dia. Nanti lama-lama awak boleh terima dia."

That's what she says whenever I tell her I hate my teachers (back in secondary school days).

"Takpe lah, mak habiskan jahit baju awak dulu. Nanti mak jahitlah baju mak."

And she always ends up celebrating first day of Eid with swollen eyes just to make sure she could finish sewing my baju kurung the night before... and in the end she'll wear last year's baju kurung, anyway, because she doesn't have time to finish sewing hers.

"Jangan lupa cakap terima kasih, baik siapa pun orang tu pada kita."

That's my mom reminding us to always thank other people, no matter who they are, even if they are paid to work for us.

"Takpelah, awak pergilah... niat awak baik, awak nak tuntut ilmu. Insyaallah, Mak ok kat sini. Mak izinkan awak pergi."

My mom's decision on letting me study in the US when she was actually suffering from cancer that caused her two major operations, one of her body part removed, a year of chemotherapy, a year of hair loss, fluctuating emotions, and significant weight loss.

Yet she never showed me a single tear or frown. She encouraged me, even when most other people said I was selfish for leaving her. She convinced me it was the right choice, even when some people thought I was too excited going to the States instead of being by her side, taking care of her.

She believes in me when nobody in this world does.

Thank You Allah, for this wonderful angel in my life.

You are The Only One who can ever reward Mak for every single love, deed and sacrifice she has given to me, my family and anyone who's ever known her in this life.

5 July. Happy birthday Mak. <3<3