i can post this because i know you don't read my blog

i kind of like you, you know.

no, i'm wrong, actually i kind of still like you.

of course you know that.

ps: if you're a guy and you're reading this, i am definitely not talking about you, sorry, hahaha

ps2: if you link my blog on your blog, and people click on this post just because they saw the excerpt and wanted to read further, i'm sorry to say this but you, the blog owner, SUCK, hahaha

I'm almost 23 and this is normal

5 things no one tells you about marriage: (an excerpt from a Huffington Post article)

1. Marriage is not fair.
2. Marriage has no finish line.
3. Marriage has no rests.
4. Marriage has no metrics.
5. Marriage has no rules.

Anyway, looking on the bright side of it:

But here's how to be tough enough for marriage: Answer to no one, and compare yourself to no one. Live for each other, and never stop. Embrace your spouse with such force that they become an extension of your own self, an extension you can never do without. Marriage is an opportunity to separate yourself from the rest of the world. To redefine happiness between you two, and live life your own way. 

Haha.

Before you get the wrong idea (ie. Nina ni dah nak kahwin dah ke??), let me first inform you that I don't have any plans whatsoever (or even know whether I've met the right person) on getting married. At least not for now, anyway, though of course la aku nak kahwin kannn.

The reason I'm having this post is because at my age, a lot of my friends are getting engaged and married, of course. Some of them are even expecting their first child ._. I no longer hear the word "crush" or "minat" (aku je kot yang masih guna perkataan minat tu, lol), but I've been hearing a lot of "calon"s.

"Kau ada calon tak?" 

"Macam mana kau define perkataan calon? Boyfriend? Tunang? Atau lelaki yang dah approach kau dan kata nak kahwin dengan kau?"

My Fb newsfeed is jammed with loads and LOADS of posts on marriage (terutamanya artikel iluvislam). I think I like the fact that most people have accepted the "kahwin awal" idea (ie. kahwin masa tengah buat degree atau betul-betul selepas grad). Baguslah jugak, daripada dok huha huha dengan boyfriend setiap saat, lebih baik kahwin kan?

But then when I start to think about it... a lot of people are having this illusion that the marriage they are hoping for will DEFINITELY be a reality.

"Lelaki yang layak menjadi suami bukan dilihat dari segi fizikal atau betapa penyayangnya dia, tetapi mampu menjadi imam bagi isterinya." 

"Perkara yang paling sweet ialah apabila dua orang lelaki dan perempuan tidak pernah bercakap antara satu sama lain tetapi saling mendoakan dalam sujud masing-masing." 

"We may love the wrong person and cry over the wrong person, but one thing's for sure, mistakes help us find the right person." 

"Wanita dikahwini kerana 4 sebab... kecantikan, harta, keturunan, dan agama..." (and 90% people would forget the next line in this sentence, which is "...dan pilihlah yang beragama". tu yang dok cari perempuan yang lengkap empat2 ciri sampai ke sudah tak jumpa.) 

"Lelaki boleh cari mana-mana perempuan, dia ada kuasa nak ubah isteri dia. Kalau perempuan memang kena cari lelaki alim, sebab perempuan takde kuasa nak ubah lelaki."

See? See where all of these are heading to?

Ridiculously high expectations that lead to perfectionism.

Ok, seriously, I am NOT saying that it is wrong to hope for good things (ie. dapat lelaki hensem dan beriman). Tapi berapa peratus perempuan dalam dunia ni yang end up dengan lelaki hensem dan beriman? (dan berapa kerat je lelaki hensem dan beriman tu sebenarnya matang?)

The reality is, there's no such thing as happy-ending marriage. Ye memang betul orang kata kahwin tu best, tapi wujud ke perkahwinan yang sempurna?

Begin with the end in mind.

If we keep on poisoning ourselves with too much fairytales, yeah you know what'll happen. You'll get yourself poisoned lah when things don't go your way.

Ye, kahwinlah, sempurnakanlah separuh dari agama. Tapi jangan meracuni pemikiran dengan kesempurnaan artikel kahwin yang kau baca. Tak salah nak baca, tak salah nak ambil tahu, tapi kena rasional setiap kali kita masukkan setiap info kahwin tu dalam kepala.

Ingat, memang mula-mula kita macam sekadar nak ambil tahu je. Tapi kalau tak dikawal dengan rasional akal, what we read will be a BELIEF. Satu informasi, kalau diulang-ulang (ala-ala brainwash), akan jadi KEPERCAYAAN kita.

Keyword: rasional.

Mungkinkah disebabkan ledakan informasi kebelakangan ni yang menyebabkan kita lebih terpengaruh nak baca artikel kahwin yang happy ending dan seterusnya mengharap kesempurnaan?

Anyway, something for you to ponder on: click here.