wo xing nimen

Hendak gugur gugurlah nangka,

Jangan ditimpa si batang pauh;

Hendak tidur tidurlah mata,

Jangan dikenang orang yang jauh.

labbaik allahumma labbaik

mungkin ni la perasaannya bila mak ayah aku kena lepaskan aku pergi belajar, walaupun niat belajar tu sebenarnya murni

semoga semuanya selamat dan dipermudahkan, insyaallah

amin amin ya rabb

there's no better word than alhamdulillah

Alhamdulillah... sampai jugak bungkusan yang penuh dengan kasih sayang ni dari tanah air.

Punyalah risau, takut-takut tak sampai (sebab ada makanan & Mak aku tak declare haha).

"Orang kat post office tu tanya Mak, ada makanan ke, Mak cakap takde. Semoga Allah ampunkan Mak."

Wuuu suka buat ai sentap kan Mak? Hahaha. Sayang Mak.

Selain dari lambat sampai, bungkusan ni sampai ke alamat rumah lama aku (walaupun aku dah suruh dia hantar ke alamat baru tapi mat saleh memang tak faham bahasa kot).

Last2 aku pergi pick up sendiri kat post office, yang main road dia bizi nak mampus and aku memang dah cuak kalau2 syahid kena langgar lori tadi. T_T

(noob sangat nak lintas jalan pun tak reti)

Tapi bila dah pegang parcel tu memang peluk macam bantal busuk bawak balik rumah hahaha.

Alhamdulillah. Sanggup Mak Ayah susah2 cari barang dan hantarkan.

Ya Allah, sayangilah Mak Ayah.

Ni lah board yang dah lama beli tapi kertas2 yang serabut sampai berhabuk kat atas tu dah dibukak dan diganti dengan koleksi tag nama (hahaha) dan jugak gambar ayahanda bonda serta adinda.

Dan ada poskad yang belakang dia ada gambar lelaki New Zealand pakai cawat hahahaha mak ayah aku sengaja hantar sebab nak bagi aku gelak.

Dengan bertukar wajah board ni harap2 bertukar la perangai pemalas untuk menjadi lebih rajin (whattt?).

Tengok dua wajah yang penuh harapan tu jela motivasi untuk terus belajar... kalau orang lain letak gambar boyfriend kan, kuikuikui. Orang takde boyfriend kena la buat cara single :B (you: duhhh tak habis2 cakap pasal ni) hahahaha.

Alhamdulillah. Settle jugak kelas2 summer. Lepas ni dok risau kelas next sem pulak. Tapi takpe la, sebelum bukak sem kita rilek2 dulu... dah bukak sem baru kelam kabut cari buku hahahaha.

Raya, raya...

Haha secara jujurnya aku deep down ada la jugak rasa sayu tu sebab tak boleh balik beraya tahun ni.

Tapi disebabkan aku rasa bosan baca update orang yang tak boleh balik dan asyik endlessly buat status2 sayu, aku pun malas la nak kecoh2 sangat.

Control macho jela. Kalau orang tanya, jawab jela tak balik. Hahaha.

Lagipun ramai je yang beraya kat sini, jadi takde la bajet sayu sangat kot.

Alhamdulillah. Syukur la Allah bagi nikmat beraya kan. Meraikan hari kemenangan (walaupun puasa tak cukup 30 hari, nak wat guane haha).

Seronok je raya sini sebenarnya... because you have your friends around. Kawan2 yang semua pandai2, pandai masak, baik hati, tak berkira.

Jadi sebenarnya tak layak pun nak complain sangat kan. Allah dah pertemukan dengan orang2 yang baik. :)

Alhamdulillah... diam tak diam, umur dah 23 tahun. (ok, gambar agak random di situ)

Nikmat Allah yang sangat endless dan langsung tak boleh nak di list semuanya.

Alhamdulillah, banyak benda aku dah belajar dalam hidup ni, and there's much more to come.

Selalu aku dok terfikir (ok ni confession), kenapa la aku kurang dari segi tu, kurang dari segi ni... kenapa la orang lain lebih pandai, lebih cantik dan lain2 (especially bila kau duduk di kalangan kawan2 yang pandai dalam segala2nya memang sangat pressure la ye, haha).

Tapi bila fikir balik, ya Allah, kenapa la aku tak pernah merasa cukup. Allah dah bagi nikmat macam2, tak terkira, tu pun dok nak banding dengan orang lain lagi.

Padahal ramai je yang berharap mereka berada di tempat aku (atau korang) sekarang.

Alhamdulillah. Nikmat Allah tu sangat luas dan sangat banyak. Terlalu melimpah ruah. Sama ada kita bersyukur atau tak je.

Alhamdulillah.

- - -

"...but it was nice loving you, regardless."

-- Bazli in Dejavu di Kinabalu

(ok aku mengaku aku tengok cerita tu sebab Nazim Othman hensem)

5.7.57

"Takpe lah, orang dah tunggu lama. Biarlah diorang dapat dulu."

She's the one who puts others before herself. Always and always.

"Dah azan, mak nak solat dulu."

She's the muslimah who always prays on time, who puts her priority on solah more than anything else. She wakes up before fajr and always takes a shower before fajr solah. She might not be the type who stands up in front of people and preaches out loud, but she does the best da'wah in my life.

"Kawan-kawan Ayah tanya mak belajar universiti mana... hah, mak bagitahulah diorang yang mak belajar sampai SPM je."

Whenever she tells me that, she would say it with a humble laugh. She's the humblest person I've ever met in my life. Due to that reason, she has never, not even once, belittle other people. Not even once.

"Kejap lagi mak datang... awak tunggu dekat depan sekolah."

And my mom walked from home with her umbrella in the 2 p.m. scorching hot weather to my school, which was 2 km away, just so she could 'pick me up' and walked me home again (I had menstrual pain and my family didn't own extra vehicle at home).

"Takpe lah, mak beli dengan diorang sebab nak tolong diorang."

That's her response when I asked her why she buys vegetables from the Malay vendors at the fishery, even if they act extremely rude towards her.

"Kalau awak tak suka dengan cikgu awak, awak usaha cari benda yang awak suka pasal dia. Nanti lama-lama awak boleh terima dia."

That's what she says whenever I tell her I hate my teachers (back in secondary school days).

"Takpe lah, mak habiskan jahit baju awak dulu. Nanti mak jahitlah baju mak."

And she always ends up celebrating first day of Eid with swollen eyes just to make sure she could finish sewing my baju kurung the night before... and in the end she'll wear last year's baju kurung, anyway, because she doesn't have time to finish sewing hers.

"Jangan lupa cakap terima kasih, baik siapa pun orang tu pada kita."

That's my mom reminding us to always thank other people, no matter who they are, even if they are paid to work for us.

"Takpelah, awak pergilah... niat awak baik, awak nak tuntut ilmu. Insyaallah, Mak ok kat sini. Mak izinkan awak pergi."

My mom's decision on letting me study in the US when she was actually suffering from cancer that caused her two major operations, one of her body part removed, a year of chemotherapy, a year of hair loss, fluctuating emotions, and significant weight loss.

Yet she never showed me a single tear or frown. She encouraged me, even when most other people said I was selfish for leaving her. She convinced me it was the right choice, even when some people thought I was too excited going to the States instead of being by her side, taking care of her.

She believes in me when nobody in this world does.

Thank You Allah, for this wonderful angel in my life.

You are The Only One who can ever reward Mak for every single love, deed and sacrifice she has given to me, my family and anyone who's ever known her in this life.

5 July. Happy birthday Mak. <3<3

truth be told

---

whether the future has dark or bright days

I will still love you to the last mile of the way

to the last mile of the way

---

sayang Mak. sayang Ayah.

sayang dia

30 Januari 2012

Happy birthday Ayah... sayang Ayah.

Makin hari saya makin sayang Ayah.

Saya doakan Allah sentiasa sayang Ayah jugak.

Saya doakan kesihatan Ayah, ketenangan Ayah, kesejahteraan Ayah.

Hanya Allah yang mampu balas jasa Ayah selama ni.

Walaupun saya jarang contact Ayah, ketahuilah saya sentiasa ingatkan Ayah, sentiasa rindukan Ayah.

Segala kepahitan dan kesusahan yang Ayah pernah alami, saya tahu Ayah tak pernah tunjuk.

Ayah lelaki paling tabah dan sangat hebat di mata saya.

Walaupun Ayah jauh di mata, Ayah tak pernah hilang dari hati saya.

Ayah dan Mak adalah benda paling best yang ada dalam hidup saya.

I love you no matter what happens, and nothing's ever going to change that.

Ya Allah, ampunilah Ayah, sayangilah Ayah.

♥♥♥

No Promises

Manusia hanya mampu merancang.

Yang tentukan apa yang jadi hanya Tuhan.

Jadi serahkan pengharapan dan pergantungan tu pada yang berhak menerima.

Haha. Saje nak bagi sedap hati. :b

What you see is not what you get

i.

If there is only one reason why I should go back, the reason is you.

I feel like there's nothing much I can do considering the fact that there are limits in being completely honest with everyone.

I've known you forever, I know each time you get hurt, I can tell when you're feeling genuinely happy and when you fake a smile.

I know you inside out. I can read your mind just by looking at your eyes.

I hurt deeply whenever you're not happy. I feel like a failure each time I fail to be there for you when you need me the most.


ii.

No matter what happens, nothing is ever going to change my love for you.

Not even with what's going on.

You'll always earn my respect, and I'll look up to you no matter what happens.

Though sometimes I wish you could be stronger than what you are now, things that happened didn't change my perception towards you... not in a million years, even.

I can't really read what you feel inside, but for me you are still the same person I've known.

I really wish things won't go much worse than it is now.

All I want is that you should know what you should do.


iii.

I wish I can have the power to change things.

I am stuck. I can't really say whose fault it was.

Allah knows everything He's doing.

If this thing had happened 10 years ago I might easily put the blame on one of you... but I'm a grown up now and I am able to view things from different perspectives.

I have faith in Allah. I believe that nobody could escape from being tested.

I am caught in the middle. I am caught between the secrets and the lies. I am caught between the things I should say, the things I should never say, the things I should say but should never say...

...it's complicated.

O Allah, I rely on You. Please help us.


iv.

I hope this is the last time I'll talk about you in my blog.

I know that love can be learned.

It's weird thinking that we're not exactly what people think we are... but I know our friendship is something that I don't want to lose.

All those things that you kept from me for so many years... they make me think about it again.

Sometimes I hate the fact that you've been keeping things from me. But sometimes I feel grateful that I didn't know them earlier.

I don't really know how I feel. But if I have to say something, you actually make my days beautiful.

I'd smile remembering the sincerity that I saw in your eyes the other day.

And I hope it stays until the day comes.

And I really hope you don't suck everything up, you hear me?


v.

O Allah.

Please love my parents as much as they love me right from the beginning until now.

Please bless them with your eternal love.

Please protect them and keep them safe from any harm and danger.

O Allah, I beg You.

Amin.

Better

See all I'm trying to say is
you make things
better

Boyzone - "Better"

Thank you Allah for all of the wonderful things You have given me during all of these 22 years.

Thank you Allah.

Lapan huruf

"Aku rasa tak sedap badan... rasa macam nak demam..."

"Laa yeke? Kesian kau."

"Aku rasa tadi ada sekor nyamuk terbang dekat-dekat dengan aku... sekarang dia tiba-tiba dah hilang, I guess aku dah termakan nyamuk tu."

"Hah? Agaknya sebab tu kot kau nak demam ni."

"Badan aku sakit gile weh, aku rasa aku tengah transform jadi werewolf kot."

"Transform apa bendanya, mana ada werewolf transform pukul 3 petang?"

"Aku ikut time kat US kot, kan jet lag lagi ni."

"Ntah-ntah kau transform jadi nyamuk? Sebab kau termakan nyamuk?"

"Weh, mungkin jugak la."

"Nanti kau jadi weremosquito la ni?"

"Meremosquito la, mende weremosquito pulak."

"Ala, ntah-ntah kau transform jadi sotong."

*

"Nanti masa aku dah kahwin, mesti kau sedih kan. Takde orang nak manja dengan kau dah."

"Wuuuu wuuuu wuuuu... nanti kau dah kahwin, aku buli kau dengan suami kau."

"Apa pulak? Aku dengan kau la gang up untuk buli dia."

"Hahahaha. Kesian mamat tu."

*

"Kucing ni betina ke jantan?"

"Betina kot... kita panggil dia Gegurl la."

"Gegurllll. Gegurlll."

Mak: Gegirl siapa?

"Fasha Sandha."

*

"Kau busy tak?"

"Ye aku busy. Apa kau nak?"

"Aku nak pergi toilet ni..."

"Hah, nak aku temanlah tu."

"Cepat la weh, tak tahan ni."

"Dah tua bangka pun penakut nak pergi toilet."

*

"Kalau aku kahwin dengan dia, kau restui tak?"

"Hah?? Kahwin dengan dia?? Omaigod sotonggg kau nak kahwin dengan dia?"

"Weh, aku tanya jelaaaa."

"Hmm... aku kena jumpa dia dulu dan tengok dia macam mana, baru aku boleh bagi kata putus..."

"Ok... aku tanya je tau, bukannya aku ada apa-apa dengan dia."

"Yelah tu kau. Nanti aku bagitahu Mak yang dia ada calon menantu..."

"Woii aku cakap takde pape la, kau faham takkk."

"Hish yela yela, aku gurau je. Sikit-sikit nak menyotong. Kulu kulu kuluuu menyotong."

*

"Tisu sepah sana sini ni mesti kerja kau kan?"

"Biar la, at least aku sepahkan tisu je. Kau tu, semua benda kau sepahkan."

Flowerbed

Selagi kita hidup di dunia ini...
selagi tu la Allah akan uji kita dengan macam-macam bentuk ujian.

Kesenangan. Kesusahan. Semua laa.

Sabar ye Mak. Kejap lagi saya balik rumah... insyaallah.

Saya tahu Mak tabah.

Saya tahu Ayah pun tabah.

But the truth is hard to find
when it's playing tricks with your mind

I guess this is just a part of being a woman...

Sensitif. Perempuan memang sensitif.

Bencinya. I wish I could keep myself busy. I don't want to think about it.

Sensitif sangat la aku ni.

Ahh bencinya. Benci.

Aku matang dan rasional.

Tapi bila sampai kepada soal hati, aku still rasa sensitif.

Tambah-tambah bila orang dok tanya-tanya aku balik ke tak. Bukannya nak faham situasi aku.

Aku belajar kat US, bukan kat Seremban dah.

Haizz

Pos ni vain. Tak payah baca kalau tak berminat.

Rasanya macam jarang tulis "diari kehidupan" kat sini. Haha.

Tapi saje la. Menggedik nak mengadu.

At the moment, sangat sangat sangat sangat banyak benda yang bermain di fikiran.

Banyaaaaak sangat. Sampai tak tahu nak fikir mana satu dulu. Haha.

Lepas satu benda, satu lagi benda tak settle. Lepas satu, satu. Lepas tu ada lagi. Dan lagi.

Haizz.

Tahulah semua orang berkemungkinan menghadapi perkara yang sama.

Tapi aku nak mengeluh jugak.

Ya Allah, permudahkanlah urusan hamba-Mu ini.

Eight Letters

Eight letters
Three words
One meaning

♥








I'm trying to sound cheerful. Duh.

Khas untuk ayahanda

30 Januari 2011 (waktu Malaysia)

Untuk Ayah, Rosman Yahya,

Semoga Allah sayang Ayah selalu

Semoga Allah lindungi Ayah walau di mana ayah berada

Semoga Allah memberkati hidup Ayah

Semoga Allah memberi kesihatan dan kesejahteraan pada Ayah

Semoga Allah balas segala kebaikan Ayah selama ini

Semoga Allah beri syurga-Nya pada Ayah dan Mak di akhirat kelak

Saya sayang Ayah dan Mak

Amin.

.
.
.

Wahai Tuhanku

Bismillah

Ya Allah
lindungilah kedua ibu bapaku dari segala malapetaka
lindungilah juga keluargaku dari segala kejadian yang tidak diingini
lindungilah juga sahabat-sahabatku ya Allah

Amin

Astaghfirullah
Astaghfirullah
Astaghfirullah

Winter Song

This is my winter song to you.
The storm is coming soon,
it rolls in from the sea

My voice; a beacon in the night.
My words will be your light,
to carry you to me.

Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?

They say that things just cannot grow
beneath the winter snow,
or so I have been told.

They say were buried far,
just like a distant star
I simply cannot hold.

Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?

This is my winter song.
December never felt so wrong,
cause youre not where you belong;
inside my arms.

I still believe in summer days.
The seasons always change
and life will find a way.

Ill be your harvester of light
and send it out tonight
so we can start again.

Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?

This is my winter song.
December never felt so wrong,
cause youre not where you belong;
inside my arms.

This is my winter song to you.
The storm is coming soon
it rolls in from the sea.

My love a beacon in the night.
My words will be your light
to carry you to me.

Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?

Sara Bareilles
Winter Song

Before It's Too Late

Tell me everything now
Don't leave anything out
I'll tell you all my fears
My mistakes
Before it's too late

A few minutes ago I received some news about an old friend of mine. Her dad had recently passed away.

It struck me like a lightning.

It struck me that life is too short. That things you own, or the people you love, can be taken away from you in no time.

This reminds me of a conversation I had with Mak last Sunday. She said:

"Hidup ni jangan berkira sangat. Kalau Tuhan nak tarik, bila-bila masa je. Allah beri kat kita supaya kita beri pada orang lain."

I seem to have forgotten that life is too short.

...

I'd wait for life

I don't know how you are
or how you may be
but I know I love you still

Awak oh awak

Kepada awak, saya tahu awak tak baca pun blog saya.

Sebab saya jarang nampak IP address awak dekat Feedjit. Haha.

Terima kasih. Awak takkan tahu betapa saya menghargai awak.

Awaklah antara orang yang boleh buat saya ketawa di kala saya menangis.

Walaupun dah lama saya tak bersua dengan awak, saya rasa awak dekat dengan saya.

Semoga awak selalu disayangi-Nya.

.

Kepada awak, terima kasih.

Saya suka pokpek pokpek dekat awak kan.

Awak saje yang sudi mendengar.

Saya tahu awak saje yang faham.

Tak apa, saya dah belanja banyak biskut dan aiskrim kan. Haha.

.

Kepada awak, saya cemburu dengan awak sebab awak dapat pergi sana.

Saya doakan keselamatan awak.

Saya sayangkan awak. Jaga diri baik-baik.

Nanti saya kirim list doa ye!

.

Kepada awak berdua, saya tahu saya jarang contact awak dan awak.

Saya cuma nak awak tahu, awak berdua tetap di hati saya.

.

Akhirnya, kepada awak yang sedang membaca ni, yang namanya tak tersebut di atas.

Terima kasih kerana sudi membaca blog yang tak seberapa ni.

Saya bukan penglipur lara, juga tidak pandai menulis dengan penuh kasih sayang.

Saya, emo dan hati kering. Haha.

Terima kasih, dan maafkan saya andai saya pernah buat awak kecil hati dengan apa yang saya pernah pos di blog ini.

Semoga awak dirahmati Allah sentiasa!

.