If I Let You Go

Assalamualaikum.

"Nina, kau tahu tak... I'm so grateful to be here."

I've heard that sentence for so many times. And I've told myself the same sentence for so many times to convince myself that this is what I wanna do and this where I want to be. But that was the first time that sentence struck me like a lightning.

Aku masa tu terdiam kejap.

On the way balik rumah, aku hanya terfikir apa yang Asilah cakap tu. And it did trigger a question in my mind:

"Adakah aku redha terhadap diri sendiri untuk berada di sini?"

It's not easy to let go of the past. It'll be haunting you no matter how hard you try to forget it. And when people don't understand, it gets even harder. That's why I didn't really bother to tell too many people about it, because I know I'll end up getting more annoyed by their fake responses.

But I realised it is what makes me even stronger than ever. I know those people are also leaving their families to be at wherever they should be, but I know they didn't leave in such situation in which I did.

When I see other spoilt people, I came to a realisation that they didn't go through much of those things just yet. And I realised that ujian makes us become mature, and stronger.

To see that she'd started having less and less hair on her head would shatter my heart into pieces. But eventually I know that it somehow has made the both of us really strong. It sure would be hard, but love can build a bridge.

I know Allah is going to stay with me, no matter what happens. He knows best. He is The One who knows what's the relevance of all of these.

I need to let go of the past. But that doesn't mean I have to let go of what I'm having right now.

Yes, I'm grateful to be here.